Being single in a world full of couples can be tough. One failed relationship after another and/or long “dry spells” can leave us feeling like we’ll never find “The One.” In reality, there’s no sure-fire way to find our perfect match. There are, though, things we can do to to help ensure that our next relationship doesn’t turn into the same disaster as the last one did.
Get out of your own head
Thinking too much can get us into trouble. It’s definitely okay, even advisable, to listen to our gut when deciding whether or not to give a new guy a chance. We need to understand, though, that there’s a difference between listening to our intuition and over analyzing a situation. Pulling out our mental checklist and hoping to check all the boxes rarely gets us very far. Very few people can show their true range in just a date or two. Keeping an open mind is always our best bet. Too often, despite the fact that none of our past relationships turned out to be permanent, we end up comparing new partners to old ones in all the wrong ways. Given that our exes are our exes, does it really make sense to go looking for too many qualities of theirs in a new beau?
Giving someone new an honest chance to show us who he is and being honest about how well who he is works with who we are can open us up to the possibility that maybe our biggest problem all along has been an unrealistic or ill-fitting checklist of must-haves.
In relationships, maintaining a positive attitude is one of the keys to success. Past relationships are gone; hanging on to them only gets in our way. Let a new relationship be just that–new. Don’t let old heartbreaks and hard feelings make you the sort of Negative Nelly that’s bound to run any new guy off. You expect him to leave all of his past relationship baggage behind, right? Make sure you do the same.
A positive attitude about the rest of your life is important, too. We all have things about ourselves and our lives in general we’d like to change. Instead of focusing on these negatives and letting them affect your confidence and overall attitude, change what things you can and let go of the rest. Few guys worth holding onto are going to be interested in a drama queen, and many guys will tire of feeling like they constantly have to reassure us that they accept us for who we are. If a guy feels like you don’t trust him enough to be take him at his word, what’s his motivation to stick around?
Keep it real
One of the biggest mistakes so many people make when starting a new relationship is trying too hard to be what they think the other person wants. That’s unfair to both of you. Maintaining a false persona is hard work. Furthermore, why would you want someone who doesn’t want the real you? It’s one thing to put your best foot forward with someone new, just make sure it’s actually your own best foot. A relationship that’s meant to last will do so because the real you and the real him really work.
Keeping it real also means acknowledging that when it’s over, it’s over. Hanging onto a relationship that’s obviously unhealthy or otherwise wrong is a waste of time that will definitely do more harm than good.
Lastly, learn to be okay with being single. Learning to be totally okay with who you are when you’re not in a relationship makes you less likely to rush into or stay in a bad situation. Finding the right guy for you is a lot easier when you’re sure of who you are and aren’t relying on someone else to define you completely.